Ok, so I had to go to Hyderabad ( This article comes to you from there by the way ) for some higher education stuff. My credit cards were cancelled ( or barred, whatever u call not paying the 40 grand I owed them ) and the new ones were just on their way. So anyway, kind dad was ready to shell for my air tickets from Bangalore to Hyderabad and back. He books me both ways on Spice Jet ( it’s a no frills flight ). He got a ‘great’ deal and was really happy about it.
“Great” turned out to be 2:45 Am on a cold winter night, or really really early in the morning if you prefer. There are many problems that can rise from traveling on such early flights.
1. No auto’s / cabs are willing to take you.
2. Everybody ( read as ‘mom’ ) who’s supposed to do your packing is already asleep.
3. There is no pick up at the destination.
4. Granny sleeps at night.
Since no one was ready to take me to the airport, I consulted dad’s help yet again.
His solution pretty simple, take the car, go to the airport.
Now, why didn’t I think of that? Only problem is they charge like 50 Rs per hour and 200 if the car’s parked overnight. So for a three day trip, any reason of buying those ‘cheap’ tickets is nullified.
Now that the option was withdrawn, alternative ways to reach the airport were being put forth on the table, by me and well wishers ( read ‘my sis’ ) who didn’t want to take me there themselves.
One point I strongly considered was taking the car to my friends house ( you know him as oxymoron, I don’t use the oxy bit ), and then walking to the airport which is a short 10 min walk from there ( or a really long 15 min walk if you carrying luggage and you are as lazy as me). Oxymoron offered to drop me at the airport in my car, but apparently he can’t park or drive. Later he offered to walk with me to the airport (initially I thought he was being really sweet, then I remembered the air hostesses), anyway he had an early morning picnic to attend so he couldn’t come either way.
As luck would have it, I found a taxi who was willing to take me to the airport, and the best part is, I didn’t have to sell any body parts so I could afford getting there. Thing about me is that luck doesn’t seem to stay with me for long. 1Am (1.45 min left for flight take off) taxi dude was lost, simple directions like come here, take the first left then right failed. So he parked his cab a few km’s from my house and I had to drive and fetch him.
Reached the airport in the nick of time (actually I reached quite comfortably, but if dad asks, I got there just before take off ).
Flight? Well bus on wheels should be more appropriate. After a turbulent flight without food I got to Hyderabad.
With my good luck charms back in Bangalore, I found that the pre-paid auto counter guy was sleeping, seeing his size I quickly judged that waking him up wasn’t a safe option. The only auto willing to come to my place said 'meter charges * 1.5' , sounded fair enough especially that early so I got on. The meter as I later found out was running (as my aunt put it ) “way too fast”.
In conclusion here’s the equation –
Total Money saved by dad because of the ‘great’ deal < Cab fare from Bangalore home to airport + Hyderabad airport to Granny’s place.
And if you think that is bad, imagine I still have to get back tomorrow night ( or day after really early in the morning if you prefer ).
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
So, you know the latest fad doing the rounds here is Orkut. He asked me a rather confidential question.
What have I learnt from my previous relationships?
I pondered upon it for a while… don't you learn only from your mistakes.. is he implying that it was a mistake. It was, I thoroughly agree. But does he have to publicly proclaim the same fact. Anyhow, since boring history is learnt so as to prevent it from repeating itself, I guess my teachings or leanings if you prefer can be put into better use if I spread the word. Since there are so many "learnings", I will just list the top 10. I guess that should take you through your next learning process ( aka relationship ).
So what are the Top 10 things I learnt from my pastmistakes relationships?
10. Guys don't get pregnant.
9. Especially not by holding hands.
8. If you forget a birthday or an anniversary and u are confronted with the fact, appropriate answers don't include the following
a) Big deal.
b) It is ??
c) Kidding me right?
d) Its been that long?
e) Ok, if you say so.
f) Does that mean I have to take you out?
g) Where's my gift?
h) Ok.
i) Oh, I knew it all along, I was just waiting to see if you remember.
-Doesn't work when it's their birthday.
- Especially not twice in a row.
- And never if they reminded you a few moments back.
j) That explains why you were hugging everyone else.
k) Can I borrow some money?
l) My reminders didn't go off.
m) Is it April Fools day again?
n) Stop bugging me.
o) Whatever you do, don't yawn.
p) Ok so you yawned, never follow it up with, I am so sleepy.
7. Comments to this disapproving observation " will you look at what she's wearing " do not necessarily include the following –
a) Wow.
b) Wow. ( with mouth open and tongue out )
c) Oh mama.
d) Don't you have a similar dress?
5. If you use terms like 'honey' , 'baby' , 'doll' , 'sweetheart' , 'sweety' , 'cutie' etc all the time, you might forget the actual name.
- You might want to avoid using the wrong names too.
4. If you are introducing them to your friends, appropriate 'introduction' lines shouldn't include –
a) This is the one I was taking about.
b) Hey remember, I told u about the new one?
c) This is so-n-so. I know I could have done better but..
d) Hey, this is… If you think this is bad, you should wait till it's bright.
3. If you are going to 'the better half's' place for the 'first' time, at least as far as the opponents parents are concerned, knowing the way around the house especially the exact route to the bedrooms isn't necessarily a good sign*.
*So whatever u do, if the mom is looking for a something you saw the last time you were there, do not, I repeat DO NOT volunteer to bring it for her.
2. Buy your own birth control. Don't use the hosts' parent's available methods( if you know what I mean ).. Also the round tablet with the label Aspirin on it, is indeed aspirin. It doesn't double up as anything else under any circumstances.
1. Pay attention to detail. Don't miss out on points.. Especially not the 6th one. That one was the best.
What have I learnt from my previous relationships?
I pondered upon it for a while… don't you learn only from your mistakes.. is he implying that it was a mistake. It was, I thoroughly agree. But does he have to publicly proclaim the same fact. Anyhow, since boring history is learnt so as to prevent it from repeating itself, I guess my teachings or leanings if you prefer can be put into better use if I spread the word. Since there are so many "learnings", I will just list the top 10. I guess that should take you through your next learning process ( aka relationship ).
So what are the Top 10 things I learnt from my past
10. Guys don't get pregnant.
9. Especially not by holding hands.
8. If you forget a birthday or an anniversary and u are confronted with the fact, appropriate answers don't include the following
a) Big deal.
b) It is ??
c) Kidding me right?
d) Its been that long?
e) Ok, if you say so.
f) Does that mean I have to take you out?
g) Where's my gift?
h) Ok.
i) Oh, I knew it all along, I was just waiting to see if you remember.
-Doesn't work when it's their birthday.
- Especially not twice in a row.
- And never if they reminded you a few moments back.
j) That explains why you were hugging everyone else.
k) Can I borrow some money?
l) My reminders didn't go off.
m) Is it April Fools day again?
n) Stop bugging me.
o) Whatever you do, don't yawn.
p) Ok so you yawned, never follow it up with, I am so sleepy.
7. Comments to this disapproving observation " will you look at what she's wearing " do not necessarily include the following –
a) Wow.
b) Wow. ( with mouth open and tongue out )
c) Oh mama.
d) Don't you have a similar dress?
5. If you use terms like 'honey' , 'baby' , 'doll' , 'sweetheart' , 'sweety' , 'cutie' etc all the time, you might forget the actual name.
- You might want to avoid using the wrong names too.
4. If you are introducing them to your friends, appropriate 'introduction' lines shouldn't include –
a) This is the one I was taking about.
b) Hey remember, I told u about the new one?
c) This is so-n-so. I know I could have done better but..
d) Hey, this is… If you think this is bad, you should wait till it's bright.
3. If you are going to 'the better half's' place for the 'first' time, at least as far as the opponents parents are concerned, knowing the way around the house especially the exact route to the bedrooms isn't necessarily a good sign*.
*So whatever u do, if the mom is looking for a something you saw the last time you were there, do not, I repeat DO NOT volunteer to bring it for her.
2. Buy your own birth control. Don't use the hosts' parent's available methods( if you know what I mean ).. Also the round tablet with the label Aspirin on it, is indeed aspirin. It doesn't double up as anything else under any circumstances.
1. Pay attention to detail. Don't miss out on points.. Especially not the 6th one. That one was the best.
22
comments
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Be the flame, not the moth...
Things don't always end up the way you planed or hoped, sometimes they are better then you could imagine.. but most of the times they suck.. (and if you were giving TOEFL, the question would be "whom did g.w refer to with 'they' ? " )
Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be...
Life generally takes a left turn right when you had them all, an awesome job, great friends you can call up at 3 in the morning saying you wanted to talk and they would talk right till sunrise, so called everlasting love, a happening life, everyone u loved happy.. and a very good dream…
Some find it in the faces of their children
Some find it in their lovers' eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you find that special thing
You're flying without wings
Just when you wanted to take the straight road to the highway, you come across a red signal..You figure taking the free left turn you could save some valuable seconds.
How often do you wake up to a really loud alarm clock (that I ought to replace real soon) thinking what if you had not taken the left turn?
Some find it sharing in every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the works of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry
If you believe in faith and destiny then how much are you willing to put on it (I am not that good a gambler if you didn't know already, ask me that some day, it's a really nice story ), how long are you willing to wait for something to happen?
Truth is you make your own destiny (and if you can cook, and your mom finds out, you make your own Maggie ), you chose your own path in life, no one forces you to take one route and leave the other, but whichever route you take, that becomes your destiny. Whatever happens your fate.
You'll find it in the deepest friendships
The kind you cherish all your lives
And when you know how much that means
You have found that special thing
You're flying without wings
Sometimes you think your dream was just a stupid child fantasy..
Then you realize the awesome job was the icing described by people who are tying to sell you a stone, the friends've gone abroad and it costs 20Rs per min to call them.. worst is you don't even get the synchronous sunrises. The love is over in a matter of 10 days, or was it love to start with? Happiness is just a show we put up isn't it, just to keep the ones around you not wondering what the hell is wrong with you. Are we that superficial that we have to smile even when we feel like crying?
It's the little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine, all mine
And it's the flying without wings
Some rock stars dying words ( by that I mean the suicide note ) were, its better to burn out than to fade away.. As for me, I am not sure which way I have to go..Right now, the wrong left turn left me in the middle of nowhere, in case you are there too, well can meet up at the coffee day counter ( they seem to have branches everywhere ).
You're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy it brings
I'm flying without wings
But one things for sure, I can't be the moth!!!!
You might not understand the post fully, you need to really know me to do that, and since you don't, well you cant. The song in italics is Flying Without Wings by Ruben S ( American Idol winner few years back )
6
comments
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
They didn't let me out, they just gave me a day pass!
Sitting at home in the summer, having cold coffee, starting at the hot sun from inside your air conditioned bedroom, bunking work and pitying your colleagues who are suffering at a stupid meeting which was scheduled for around this time sure beats being at work attending a stupid meeting with the ‘moron’ ( you should know him well by now ). But the problem being, I am not sitting at home, I am sleeping on my bed. I aint having cold coffee, but cough syrup instead, I don’t have air conditioning at home, and there aint any meeting planned for today!
Well just when you think the day couldn’t get ‘better’ you are reminded of the fact that you need to go study for an all important exam which encourages you to learn such words like “soliloquy” which is apparently pronounced as soh-lilo-quee and the meaning being something someone speaks to himself/herself in a drama. Now I don’t know about you, but I kinda survived my entire life (so far) of slightly over two decades without using words that end with the sound ‘quee’ , especially when you say the word with a pronunciation that ends with an exclamation. Queee!! .Ttrust me I have known mental patients that say stuff like that. Ok ok I don’t ‘know’ mental patients so to speak, but I surely know people who come darn close. And they don’t use words in the likes of quee..
Come on try it once, say ‘quee’ and end with a slight grin, come on, no one is watching.
See? Don’t you feel retarded?
Yeah I know what you are thinking, “you did it to retard..” well, at least I have heavy medication to blame, and it surely doesn’t help if u swallowed your nasal drops. Why cant people in the medical fraternity make medicines that taste a tad bit better.
Also with the advent of technology ( which in this article is limited to Microsoft word ) I wonder why people deem it necessary for me to increase my vocabulary which till now was limited to 5 characters or less words. I mean haven’t people heard of thesaurus?
For folks who haven’t watched the episode in friends where joey uses it to write a letter, let me demonstrate how simple it is.
Lets take a simple line from the above paragraphs,
“…bunking work and pitying your colleagues who are suffering at a stupid meeting which was scheduled for around this time sure beats being at work attending a stupid meeting with the…”
look how technology ( again, limited to Microsoft word ) can make me sound so much (more) intellectually superior than retards using Notepad.
“Missing employment along with the sorry feeling for your contemporaries who are distressed at an unintelligent conference which was programmed for approximately this instance no doubt beats being at work attending a dull summit with…”
That my friend is technology.
Ok, back to the main point, (whatever that was) no good can come off of reading 3000 words that one never gets to use in real life? I mean, which one of you have friends that go (on being asked how their day was) like “ It was breathtakingly astounding, I received a panegyric from my manager for my stupendous performance last month”.
This is how a basic conversation between me and my friends goes –
Me – Sup?
F1 – NM, U?
Me – Nm either.
For smarties who know the meaning of panegyric, ‘NM’ is the short for ‘nothing much’. And ‘sup’ is a fast way of saying ‘what’s up’.
I would embellish the various shades of meanings of panegyric for the readers, but I don’t see how it would help them in anyway. So I will refrain myself from doing so.
Well I guess they don’t read blog posts and won’t change the exam pattern, so I guess I better get back to studying long words which make me seem smarter, the only problem is I read about 50 odd words just an hour back, can’t seem to recollect any one of them.
Just realized ‘moron’ is on leave for the whole week. Damn! waste of a leave.. but I guess you gotta hand it to the ‘moron’, if it weren’t for people like him.. nobody else would have an above average IQ.
G.W certifies that no paragraphs apart from the one mentioned have been through the thesaurus process, and as such G.W or any affiliating members cannot be held responsible for the increase in vocabulary after reading the above mentioned article. G.W also would like to call you a stupid idiot to check if people actually read fine prints.
Well just when you think the day couldn’t get ‘better’ you are reminded of the fact that you need to go study for an all important exam which encourages you to learn such words like “soliloquy” which is apparently pronounced as soh-lilo-quee and the meaning being something someone speaks to himself/herself in a drama. Now I don’t know about you, but I kinda survived my entire life (so far) of slightly over two decades without using words that end with the sound ‘quee’ , especially when you say the word with a pronunciation that ends with an exclamation. Queee!! .Ttrust me I have known mental patients that say stuff like that. Ok ok I don’t ‘know’ mental patients so to speak, but I surely know people who come darn close. And they don’t use words in the likes of quee..
Come on try it once, say ‘quee’ and end with a slight grin, come on, no one is watching.
See? Don’t you feel retarded?
Yeah I know what you are thinking, “you did it to retard..” well, at least I have heavy medication to blame, and it surely doesn’t help if u swallowed your nasal drops. Why cant people in the medical fraternity make medicines that taste a tad bit better.
Also with the advent of technology ( which in this article is limited to Microsoft word ) I wonder why people deem it necessary for me to increase my vocabulary which till now was limited to 5 characters or less words. I mean haven’t people heard of thesaurus?
For folks who haven’t watched the episode in friends where joey uses it to write a letter, let me demonstrate how simple it is.
Lets take a simple line from the above paragraphs,
“…bunking work and pitying your colleagues who are suffering at a stupid meeting which was scheduled for around this time sure beats being at work attending a stupid meeting with the…”
look how technology ( again, limited to Microsoft word ) can make me sound so much (more) intellectually superior than retards using Notepad.
“Missing employment along with the sorry feeling for your contemporaries who are distressed at an unintelligent conference which was programmed for approximately this instance no doubt beats being at work attending a dull summit with…”
That my friend is technology.
Ok, back to the main point, (whatever that was) no good can come off of reading 3000 words that one never gets to use in real life? I mean, which one of you have friends that go (on being asked how their day was) like “ It was breathtakingly astounding, I received a panegyric from my manager for my stupendous performance last month”.
This is how a basic conversation between me and my friends goes –
Me – Sup?
F1 – NM, U?
Me – Nm either.
For smarties who know the meaning of panegyric, ‘NM’ is the short for ‘nothing much’. And ‘sup’ is a fast way of saying ‘what’s up’.
I would embellish the various shades of meanings of panegyric for the readers, but I don’t see how it would help them in anyway. So I will refrain myself from doing so.
Well I guess they don’t read blog posts and won’t change the exam pattern, so I guess I better get back to studying long words which make me seem smarter, the only problem is I read about 50 odd words just an hour back, can’t seem to recollect any one of them.
Just realized ‘moron’ is on leave for the whole week. Damn! waste of a leave.. but I guess you gotta hand it to the ‘moron’, if it weren’t for people like him.. nobody else would have an above average IQ.
G.W certifies that no paragraphs apart from the one mentioned have been through the thesaurus process, and as such G.W or any affiliating members cannot be held responsible for the increase in vocabulary after reading the above mentioned article. G.W also would like to call you a stupid idiot to check if people actually read fine prints.
5
comments
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Do sick days include when you're sick of work?
I figured sooner or later I’d be famous and someone would like to interview me, well if I am not famous, I figure I’ll be rich enough to buy a local newspaper and get interviewed. Worst case scenario I’ll bribe my way through to page 3. And if I don’t have enough money, considering I have two working kidneys and a lot of ready-to-sell body parts, I’ll find my way through.
Anyway, as one of my mottos goes "Always be prepared" so I am taking a mock interview of myself, not the technical types required for jobs ( though I should admit, I do excel at impressing prospective bosses with great fakes of my non existent amazing tech skills ), but a general interview.
The aim of this exercise is two fold
1 - To stick to my motto for the week - "Always be prepared".
2 - Get paid for writing. ( I am supposed to do my job, instead I chose to write this piece, and my employers have to pay me anyway.)
As part of my motto, and for the fact that my manager, we will call him 'moron' hereon, has been acting a lill bit too snoopy nowadays, this post comes to you from a machine running windows, accessing unix on server side, a nice VI editor ( which btw, I learnt basically for the purpose of this post ) (OK! sorry, I lied, I knew VI before itself, u are just acting like the 'moron', never trusting. sheesh, did I tell u I hate that guy? he's like the perfect example for the Dilbert principle. anyway wont go into that now, that’s a whole new post altogether.. we'll call him a 'moron' there as well. don’t ask me why 'moron' is in quotes. It just is. )
So we’ll start of easy and move on to more difficult questions.
Me-1 – Interviewer
Me-2 – Interviewee
Me-3 – Just in case a fight erupts between Me-1 and Me-2 .
Ok here goes,
Me-1 – We are gathered here today, to … wait a sec, this is my wedding opening line.. apologies. Lets try this again…
Me-1 – Ladies and Gentlemen , we have with us today Golden Words, a humor writer, an engineer, a great person ( coughs ), and the leading individual in frequent traffic miles. Welcome, pleasure having you here.
Me-2 – ( humbly, for the camera[if any] ) (*thinking* Duh! ) Its wonderful being here.
Me-1 – How does it feel to be the leading individual in frequent traffic miles?
Me-2 - It feels great, when you put so much effort into something, so many years of hard work, perseverance, its good to see something pay off like it did .
Me-1 – For our readers and viewers not aware of your journey, can you please put it in a nutshell?
Me-2 – It all started when I turned 16 and my parents bought me my first vehicle. It was a two wheeler. From there on there was no turning back, signal after signal, traffic jam after jam, day after day… there I was accumulating my traffic miles. And today as I sit here, I have no regrets for not taking the potholed filled easy way out, never jumping a signal even if there was no one in sight for miles. It’s a proud moment for all of us who suffer.
Me-1 – You had a bit of luck, being in the public’s eye, what do you say to the people suffering without getting noticed?
Me-2 – You are not good because you will get something out of it, you do it because you want to, it’s the same way, one shouldn’t think of the future and the consequences, they should just enjoy the journey.
Me-1 – You are very wise.
Me-2 – (Duh!) Thanks.
Me-1 – What about your personal life, you ever been in a serious relationship?
Me-2 – Aren’t all relationships serious? Friendship is a relationship, brother-sister is a relationship, parents-kids, work and you, everything is a relationship, you have to take all very seriously.. so yeah, I have been in a serious relationship.
Me-1 – What about your fittest finger award? Could you shed some light on that?
Me-2 – It all came with years of being around the most stupidest of all drivers/riders on the roads, plus having pathetic teachers all round, many of the people I knew had sad ‘better halves’ , working for the most incompetent person alive (or dead for that matter), so inadvertently one finger of mine got a lot of exercise. Which in turn led me to that award.
Me-1 – What about young people who want to follow in your footsteps?
Me-2 – I tell them just this thing, it takes large-number-of-muscles(google and fill in the number) to frown but less-number-of-muscles to give the finger. Moreover , its free.. it doesn’t cost you a cent.
Me-1 – We are almost out of time, tell us GW, What are your plans for the future.
Me-2 – We are all in the mercy of the lord ( and George W Bush for some unfortunate people living to my left* ) I’ll take what he gives. There is one award I am going to try out for. Most bad words in a minute.
Me1 – Really? That’s wonderful, who inspired you for such a feat.
Me2 – There’s this ‘moron’ we spoke about ( please note the quotes ). He’s a great inspiration. Everyday.
Me1 – It was really great talking to you, maybe we will speak soon. All the best for your future.
Me2 – Thanks. Pleasure is all mine.
Me3 – Hey hey hey?? What about my part?
Me1 – Who the f** are you?
Me3 – Scroll up and read you Arsehole.
Me2 – Arsehole? You British?
Me3 – No, I am planning to go there but, heard it’s a neat place, slightly expensive, sad food, but it’s a treat to the eyes.
Me1 – Whatever, times up fella, off you go.. security!
Me2 –Hey, they are taking me!! I am Me2 not Me3.
Me1 – Man you all look so similar..
* - Assuming you are facing the Himalayas
** - Short for fuck.
I doubt that’s how a ‘real’ interview would be.. moreover I can always show up on television claiming I was misquoted and that I love my ‘moron’. Pity I have only two kidneys. Any idea if anyone would be interested in buying clippings of nails? I seem to generate a lot of them.. Wish I did my majors in bio, I would know exactly what to sell without its absence affecting me, hey, is that why doctors are so rich?
Anyway a lot of time passed since I started off this journey for getting paid for writing. My stomach says its time for lunch. And that’s one meal I don’t miss. Well actually I don’t miss any meal. As a matter of fact I don’t think I have missed brunches, suppers or dinners either…
Anyway, as one of my mottos goes "Always be prepared" so I am taking a mock interview of myself, not the technical types required for jobs ( though I should admit, I do excel at impressing prospective bosses with great fakes of my non existent amazing tech skills ), but a general interview.
The aim of this exercise is two fold
1 - To stick to my motto for the week - "Always be prepared".
2 - Get paid for writing. ( I am supposed to do my job, instead I chose to write this piece, and my employers have to pay me anyway.)
As part of my motto, and for the fact that my manager, we will call him 'moron' hereon, has been acting a lill bit too snoopy nowadays, this post comes to you from a machine running windows, accessing unix on server side, a nice VI editor ( which btw, I learnt basically for the purpose of this post ) (OK! sorry, I lied, I knew VI before itself, u are just acting like the 'moron', never trusting. sheesh, did I tell u I hate that guy? he's like the perfect example for the Dilbert principle. anyway wont go into that now, that’s a whole new post altogether.. we'll call him a 'moron' there as well. don’t ask me why 'moron' is in quotes. It just is. )
So we’ll start of easy and move on to more difficult questions.
Me-1 – Interviewer
Me-2 – Interviewee
Me-3 – Just in case a fight erupts between Me-1 and Me-2 .
Ok here goes,
Me-1 – We are gathered here today, to … wait a sec, this is my wedding opening line.. apologies. Lets try this again…
Me-1 – Ladies and Gentlemen , we have with us today Golden Words, a humor writer, an engineer, a great person ( coughs ), and the leading individual in frequent traffic miles. Welcome, pleasure having you here.
Me-2 – ( humbly, for the camera[if any] ) (*thinking* Duh! ) Its wonderful being here.
Me-1 – How does it feel to be the leading individual in frequent traffic miles?
Me-2 - It feels great, when you put so much effort into something, so many years of hard work, perseverance, its good to see something pay off like it did .
Me-1 – For our readers and viewers not aware of your journey, can you please put it in a nutshell?
Me-2 – It all started when I turned 16 and my parents bought me my first vehicle. It was a two wheeler. From there on there was no turning back, signal after signal, traffic jam after jam, day after day… there I was accumulating my traffic miles. And today as I sit here, I have no regrets for not taking the potholed filled easy way out, never jumping a signal even if there was no one in sight for miles. It’s a proud moment for all of us who suffer.
Me-1 – You had a bit of luck, being in the public’s eye, what do you say to the people suffering without getting noticed?
Me-2 – You are not good because you will get something out of it, you do it because you want to, it’s the same way, one shouldn’t think of the future and the consequences, they should just enjoy the journey.
Me-1 – You are very wise.
Me-2 – (Duh!) Thanks.
Me-1 – What about your personal life, you ever been in a serious relationship?
Me-2 – Aren’t all relationships serious? Friendship is a relationship, brother-sister is a relationship, parents-kids, work and you, everything is a relationship, you have to take all very seriously.. so yeah, I have been in a serious relationship.
Me-1 – What about your fittest finger award? Could you shed some light on that?
Me-2 – It all came with years of being around the most stupidest of all drivers/riders on the roads, plus having pathetic teachers all round, many of the people I knew had sad ‘better halves’ , working for the most incompetent person alive (or dead for that matter), so inadvertently one finger of mine got a lot of exercise. Which in turn led me to that award.
Me-1 – What about young people who want to follow in your footsteps?
Me-2 – I tell them just this thing, it takes large-number-of-muscles(google and fill in the number) to frown but less-number-of-muscles to give the finger. Moreover , its free.. it doesn’t cost you a cent.
Me-1 – We are almost out of time, tell us GW, What are your plans for the future.
Me-2 – We are all in the mercy of the lord ( and George W Bush for some unfortunate people living to my left* ) I’ll take what he gives. There is one award I am going to try out for. Most bad words in a minute.
Me1 – Really? That’s wonderful, who inspired you for such a feat.
Me2 – There’s this ‘moron’ we spoke about ( please note the quotes ). He’s a great inspiration. Everyday.
Me1 – It was really great talking to you, maybe we will speak soon. All the best for your future.
Me2 – Thanks. Pleasure is all mine.
Me3 – Hey hey hey?? What about my part?
Me1 – Who the f** are you?
Me3 – Scroll up and read you Arsehole.
Me2 – Arsehole? You British?
Me3 – No, I am planning to go there but, heard it’s a neat place, slightly expensive, sad food, but it’s a treat to the eyes.
Me1 – Whatever, times up fella, off you go.. security!
Me2 –Hey, they are taking me!! I am Me2 not Me3.
Me1 – Man you all look so similar..
* - Assuming you are facing the Himalayas
** - Short for fuck.
I doubt that’s how a ‘real’ interview would be.. moreover I can always show up on television claiming I was misquoted and that I love my ‘moron’. Pity I have only two kidneys. Any idea if anyone would be interested in buying clippings of nails? I seem to generate a lot of them.. Wish I did my majors in bio, I would know exactly what to sell without its absence affecting me, hey, is that why doctors are so rich?
Anyway a lot of time passed since I started off this journey for getting paid for writing. My stomach says its time for lunch. And that’s one meal I don’t miss. Well actually I don’t miss any meal. As a matter of fact I don’t think I have missed brunches, suppers or dinners either…
4
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Friday, June 30, 2006
If you love someone so much just let go…
And if she comes back, shoot the bitch!! It has been a long time since I’ve been here, so a quick update.
-I started thinking of relationships past my old one.. nothing could happen and nothing will, why one asks, hmmm something’s are better left untold I guess.. what I can say is , it wasn’t my fault ( not entirely at least )
-I have started thinking about alternative career options cause the ‘dream’ didn’t happen.
-I went on quite a few trips the last few weekends, fishing camps / gokarna-mangalore to name a few.
-Work place is hectic with unrealistic deadlines.. just the way I love it.. separates the men from the not so manly*
-*With such a large lapse in the times I spend writing, my quoting abilities have come down drastically..
-There is a cute opposite sex person who lives somewhere near my place.. haven’t spoken yet, don’t think I have the guts to speak to strangers.. its totally against the principles my parents embedded in me**.
-**I never listened to them before, why start now huh?
-Too many first dates have left my bank accounts as thin as a baby elephant’s trunk^!
-^my analogy skills haven’t improved either..
-Have got many ideas for new business ventures, but mostly all, actually all, involve me selling one of my kidneys in the grey market to get started^^.
-^^Its apparently illegal to sell it in the open when you are alive, how the hell am I supposed to sell body parts when I am dead? Hmmm maybe a website which pays you in advance for your body parts.
-Have got many (+1) business ideas, but some involve me in the non-living state.
-Everyone around me have their 5 year plans set and moving further, am the only one stuck right when I came out of college.
-Yeah yeah, good job, good friends, caring family.. tell that to the forbes-list-of-richest-people generating guys..
-Football fever has kicked in, funny part is, football season hasn’t even started, so I guess it’s just the fever that’s in.
Anyway, will be back around soon. Maybe a kidney less*, only time will tell.
*if you are filthy rich and about to die, and you wish to adopt a fully grown person. Contact me!
-I started thinking of relationships past my old one.. nothing could happen and nothing will, why one asks, hmmm something’s are better left untold I guess.. what I can say is , it wasn’t my fault ( not entirely at least )
-I have started thinking about alternative career options cause the ‘dream’ didn’t happen.
-I went on quite a few trips the last few weekends, fishing camps / gokarna-mangalore to name a few.
-Work place is hectic with unrealistic deadlines.. just the way I love it.. separates the men from the not so manly*
-*With such a large lapse in the times I spend writing, my quoting abilities have come down drastically..
-There is a cute opposite sex person who lives somewhere near my place.. haven’t spoken yet, don’t think I have the guts to speak to strangers.. its totally against the principles my parents embedded in me**.
-**I never listened to them before, why start now huh?
-Too many first dates have left my bank accounts as thin as a baby elephant’s trunk^!
-^my analogy skills haven’t improved either..
-Have got many ideas for new business ventures, but mostly all, actually all, involve me selling one of my kidneys in the grey market to get started^^.
-^^Its apparently illegal to sell it in the open when you are alive, how the hell am I supposed to sell body parts when I am dead? Hmmm maybe a website which pays you in advance for your body parts.
-Have got many (+1) business ideas, but some involve me in the non-living state.
-Everyone around me have their 5 year plans set and moving further, am the only one stuck right when I came out of college.
-Yeah yeah, good job, good friends, caring family.. tell that to the forbes-list-of-richest-people generating guys..
-Football fever has kicked in, funny part is, football season hasn’t even started, so I guess it’s just the fever that’s in.
Anyway, will be back around soon. Maybe a kidney less*, only time will tell.
*if you are filthy rich and about to die, and you wish to adopt a fully grown person. Contact me!
4
comments
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
We are having EVER so much fun!
The day started as any other would, I mean nothing can change a start of the day can it? The sun would rise, you will get some stupid ‘good morning’ forwards on your cell , the birds chirping away, the dogs barking.. But No, none of that happened today, I got up early… why in the heavens sake would I do that one would ask, especially on a Sunday.
Few hours down that line , and here we were, five sore butts, tired bodies, bruised bikes and a story that stays for ever.. Here is where I document it..
We just finished prash’s* birthday celebration , went to 100 ft restaurant and then coffee day, it was around 12:30 when we all said our goodbyes..Were supposed to meet at Carric’s* house at 6:30 the next day ( technically it’s the same day as it was past 12 ) , but as usual prash delayed, so we ended up meeting up only at 7Am . Carric had some bad news , the useless cops had punctured the tyres of all bikes for fear of theft, their reason, if we remove air from the vehicles the thief’s cannot steal your vehicle. I know, I know.. this is Indian cop situation for you, well so it was a long discussion whether to go or stay and watch a nice movie in the cozy comfort of the bed…
Prash n me being the lazy ones voted for the bed, well not the same bed so no assumptions please, the rest wanted to go .. so it was 3 votes agains 2 so we all met up at the puncture shop.. by the time we left there it around 8… So we headed, Destination Savan Durga..
After a long long ride, roughly 10 km on Bangalore roads, our stomachs had spoken, we stopped at a Shanthi Sagar for breakfast, we all ordered idly vada.. carric from morning wanted alcohol in his body, he went to search for a shop early morning… karthik* went with him.. pran*, prash n me ate our food waiting for the other two to return, n they had good news when they came back… many bags of chips, biscuits, Bacardi breezer, and beer..
So we ( 5 guys, 2 fiero’s , 2 pulsars ) fully filled with fuel started off yet again. Next stop, as carric put it was Savan durga. We got on the mysore road, that road is so so awesome, u can eat dinner off of it ( yeah that’s the correct spoken English wise guy ). So me and prash ( a fiero n a pulsar ) decided to drag, we came up on an empty stretch n came to a halt.. with two bikes with almost the same specifications and two riders equally good it would have been a good drag. So it started, we decided to do one km , who won? Well its really lucky that u cannot lap someone in a drag race.. Pulsar – 0 , Fiero – 1.
Thinking it was just luck and not sheer control and performance, prash figured 2nd time lucky, I even let him take a head start… well for those keeping scores Pulsar – 0 , Fiero – 2…
Took a turn just after a dental college, well the road went downhill from there ( in both sense ), and then weird noises started coming from my bike, two computer, two electrical and one electronic engineers deduced it was the chain causing the problem, well we carried on, luckily in the middle of a village we spotted a repair shop, got the necessary changes done, well I guess Fiero gets minus one for reliability.. a lill ahead we saw the Big banyan tree, if u ask me I think its just a hoax, they just look like a bunch of banyan trees growing close together.. anyway we decided to check it when we were returning..
So on the road yet again and karthik proclaimed ‘next stop savan durga’ , ok we stopped a few km later for a break to buy bananas and soft drinks.
We started yet again and traveling on the bumpy road wasn’t what one would call a smooth ride… then we saw the most beautiful lake we had seen in a long time.. forgot all about the stupid mountain, we all knew we had to stop there.. went down to the lake side, parked our bikes and three hours later we wondered how time flew… we talked about how dumb bush is.. we spoke about how amazing our lives are without women in them.. we spoke about what future holds for us.. we spoke about what we’ll be 5 years from now.. we concluded that carric would be married, rest were as confused as I am…
A couple of hours later, and a quick stop at the big banyan tree, where carric photographed some ‘graphic’ images of naked monkeys, we were back at Bangalore, went to another hotel cause we were all famished, ate loads of food, had lots of ice cream.. came back home.. tired.. bruised bodies.. bikes holding up just together… and yeah the memories.. we’ll do it next week for sure..
* some names n gender have been changed to protect privacy.
Few hours down that line , and here we were, five sore butts, tired bodies, bruised bikes and a story that stays for ever.. Here is where I document it..
We just finished prash’s* birthday celebration , went to 100 ft restaurant and then coffee day, it was around 12:30 when we all said our goodbyes..Were supposed to meet at Carric’s* house at 6:30 the next day ( technically it’s the same day as it was past 12 ) , but as usual prash delayed, so we ended up meeting up only at 7Am . Carric had some bad news , the useless cops had punctured the tyres of all bikes for fear of theft, their reason, if we remove air from the vehicles the thief’s cannot steal your vehicle. I know, I know.. this is Indian cop situation for you, well so it was a long discussion whether to go or stay and watch a nice movie in the cozy comfort of the bed…
Prash n me being the lazy ones voted for the bed, well not the same bed so no assumptions please, the rest wanted to go .. so it was 3 votes agains 2 so we all met up at the puncture shop.. by the time we left there it around 8… So we headed, Destination Savan Durga..
After a long long ride, roughly 10 km on Bangalore roads, our stomachs had spoken, we stopped at a Shanthi Sagar for breakfast, we all ordered idly vada.. carric from morning wanted alcohol in his body, he went to search for a shop early morning… karthik* went with him.. pran*, prash n me ate our food waiting for the other two to return, n they had good news when they came back… many bags of chips, biscuits, Bacardi breezer, and beer..
So we ( 5 guys, 2 fiero’s , 2 pulsars ) fully filled with fuel started off yet again. Next stop, as carric put it was Savan durga. We got on the mysore road, that road is so so awesome, u can eat dinner off of it ( yeah that’s the correct spoken English wise guy ). So me and prash ( a fiero n a pulsar ) decided to drag, we came up on an empty stretch n came to a halt.. with two bikes with almost the same specifications and two riders equally good it would have been a good drag. So it started, we decided to do one km , who won? Well its really lucky that u cannot lap someone in a drag race.. Pulsar – 0 , Fiero – 1.
Thinking it was just luck and not sheer control and performance, prash figured 2nd time lucky, I even let him take a head start… well for those keeping scores Pulsar – 0 , Fiero – 2…
Took a turn just after a dental college, well the road went downhill from there ( in both sense ), and then weird noises started coming from my bike, two computer, two electrical and one electronic engineers deduced it was the chain causing the problem, well we carried on, luckily in the middle of a village we spotted a repair shop, got the necessary changes done, well I guess Fiero gets minus one for reliability.. a lill ahead we saw the Big banyan tree, if u ask me I think its just a hoax, they just look like a bunch of banyan trees growing close together.. anyway we decided to check it when we were returning..
So on the road yet again and karthik proclaimed ‘next stop savan durga’ , ok we stopped a few km later for a break to buy bananas and soft drinks.
.jpg)
We started yet again and traveling on the bumpy road wasn’t what one would call a smooth ride… then we saw the most beautiful lake we had seen in a long time.. forgot all about the stupid mountain, we all knew we had to stop there.. went down to the lake side, parked our bikes and three hours later we wondered how time flew… we talked about how dumb bush is.. we spoke about how amazing our lives are without women in them.. we spoke about what future holds for us.. we spoke about what we’ll be 5 years from now.. we concluded that carric would be married, rest were as confused as I am…
A couple of hours later, and a quick stop at the big banyan tree, where carric photographed some ‘graphic’ images of naked monkeys, we were back at Bangalore, went to another hotel cause we were all famished, ate loads of food, had lots of ice cream.. came back home.. tired.. bruised bodies.. bikes holding up just together… and yeah the memories.. we’ll do it next week for sure..
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* some names n gender have been changed to protect privacy.
7
comments
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Top 10 things one should not do while buying a laptop.
10. Don’t take leave from office to buy a laptop. The prices are the same in the evening.
9. Don’t walk into a computer shop asking for a, and I quote, “Black laptop”. Colour doesn’t guarantee performance. Instead use terms like RAM, GB, in fact better yet ask an office geek what he wants for Christmas, note down the first 5 things he says.
8. Don’t dress up in formals hoping for a corporate discount, it works only in hutch shops. Take extra notice to this point if the temperature inside your clothing is hitting the I-can-wash-my-clothes-with-my-sweat stage.
7. Don’t forget to read the fine print* , you might end up paying a few grand more than the price u thought.
* Something like this.
6. Don’t buy a laptop just so you can check your mail, the office desktop suffices for the same.
5. Don’t fall for cheap selling pitches like, “built in Mp3 player” , “User Manual FREE with operating system” , “FREE carry bag” , “FREE battery and charger” . Nothing is free in this world, or any world for that matter.
4. Don’t sell your Mp3 player figuring you wouldn’t need it anymore as the laptop can substitute. The truth is, a laptop cannot fit in your pant pocket. No matter how fat you are.
3. Whatever you do, don’t sell your Mp3 player for half its cost price.
2. Don’t pay few extra thousands for a functionality you don’t understand, remember this analogy, if you cant pronounce it, chances are you’ll never use the word.
1. Don’t make your dad pay for the laptop and then claim you bought it with your ‘hard’ earned money.
In case you are wondering why hard is in quotes, you should read my post about my daily routine in office.
Anyhow in case you haven’t figured it out yet, I bought a laptop, and no, I didn’t find a black one, but I sure got an awesome mp3 player built in…
9. Don’t walk into a computer shop asking for a, and I quote, “Black laptop”. Colour doesn’t guarantee performance. Instead use terms like RAM, GB, in fact better yet ask an office geek what he wants for Christmas, note down the first 5 things he says.
8. Don’t dress up in formals hoping for a corporate discount, it works only in hutch shops. Take extra notice to this point if the temperature inside your clothing is hitting the I-can-wash-my-clothes-with-my-sweat stage.
7. Don’t forget to read the fine print* , you might end up paying a few grand more than the price u thought.
* Something like this.
6. Don’t buy a laptop just so you can check your mail, the office desktop suffices for the same.
5. Don’t fall for cheap selling pitches like, “built in Mp3 player” , “User Manual FREE with operating system” , “FREE carry bag” , “FREE battery and charger” . Nothing is free in this world, or any world for that matter.
4. Don’t sell your Mp3 player figuring you wouldn’t need it anymore as the laptop can substitute. The truth is, a laptop cannot fit in your pant pocket. No matter how fat you are.
3. Whatever you do, don’t sell your Mp3 player for half its cost price.
2. Don’t pay few extra thousands for a functionality you don’t understand, remember this analogy, if you cant pronounce it, chances are you’ll never use the word.
1. Don’t make your dad pay for the laptop and then claim you bought it with your ‘hard’ earned money.
In case you are wondering why hard is in quotes, you should read my post about my daily routine in office.
Anyhow in case you haven’t figured it out yet, I bought a laptop, and no, I didn’t find a black one, but I sure got an awesome mp3 player built in…
13
comments
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
If the feeling of love is the same as eating chocolates, why do I feel so miserable?
She sits alone by a lam post,
Trying to find a thought that's escaped her
mind.
She says there's the one I love the most,
His type's not far
behind
She never lets me in only tells me where she's been
When she's had
too much to drink,
I say that I don't care I just run my hands through her
dark hair
Then I pray to God, "You gotta help me fly away" and
just
Let her cry if the tears fall
down like rain
Let her sing if it eases
all her pain
Let her go let
her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow,
Let her
be, let her be
This morning I woke up alone found a
note standing by the phone
Saying "maybe, maybe I'll be back someday"
I
wanted to look for you
You walked in; I didn't know just what I should
do
So, I sat back down, had a beer and felt sorry for
myself
Last night I tried to leave
Cried so much I
could not believe
She was the same girl I fell in love with long ago
She
went in the back to get high
I sat down on my couch and cried
yelling
"Whoa Lord whoa, please help me. Won't you hold my
hand?"
Let her cry if the
tears fall down like rain
Let her sing if
it eases all her pain
Let her
go let her walk right out on
me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow,
Let her be, let her
be
And if the sun comes up tomorrow, let her be
I wish it were so easy, I just wish I could just let go.. I wish I could cry it out.
I wish there was help somewhere.. I wish I didn’t let her cry.. I wish I could fly away..
I wish I didn’t feel sorry for myself.. I wish someone could help me let go.. I wish it weren’t my best friend. I wish things could be like they once were.. Just wish there's one good reason for me to get up tomorrow morning.. Just something I can look forward to. I just hope.. Hope I can love again..
And if the sun comes up tomorrow, let her be.. I wish I could...I really wish......
10
comments
Thursday, January 05, 2006
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