If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.

So, you know the latest fad doing the rounds here is Orkut. He asked me a rather confidential question.

What have I learnt from my previous relationships?
I pondered upon it for a while… don't you learn only from your mistakes.. is he implying that it was a mistake. It was, I thoroughly agree. But does he have to publicly proclaim the same fact. Anyhow, since boring history is learnt so as to prevent it from repeating itself, I guess my teachings or leanings if you prefer can be put into better use if I spread the word. Since there are so many "learnings", I will just list the top 10. I guess that should take you through your next learning process ( aka relationship ).

So what are the Top 10 things I learnt from my past mistakes relationships?

10. Guys don't get pregnant.

9. Especially not by holding hands.

8. If you forget a birthday or an anniversary and u are confronted with the fact, appropriate answers don't include the following
a) Big deal.
b) It is ??
c) Kidding me right?
d) Its been that long?
e) Ok, if you say so.
f) Does that mean I have to take you out?
g) Where's my gift?
h) Ok.
i) Oh, I knew it all along, I was just waiting to see if you remember.
-Doesn't work when it's their birthday.
- Especially not twice in a row.
- And never if they reminded you a few moments back.
j) That explains why you were hugging everyone else.
k) Can I borrow some money?
l) My reminders didn't go off.
m) Is it April Fools day again?
n) Stop bugging me.
o) Whatever you do, don't yawn.
p) Ok so you yawned, never follow it up with, I am so sleepy.

7. Comments to this disapproving observation " will you look at what she's wearing " do not necessarily include the following –
a) Wow.
b) Wow. ( with mouth open and tongue out )
c) Oh mama.
d) Don't you have a similar dress?

5. If you use terms like 'honey' , 'baby' , 'doll' , 'sweetheart' , 'sweety' , 'cutie' etc all the time, you might forget the actual name.
- You might want to avoid using the wrong names too.

4. If you are introducing them to your friends, appropriate 'introduction' lines shouldn't include –
a) This is the one I was taking about.
b) Hey remember, I told u about the new one?
c) This is so-n-so. I know I could have done better but..
d) Hey, this is… If you think this is bad, you should wait till it's bright.

3. If you are going to 'the better half's' place for the 'first' time, at least as far as the opponents parents are concerned, knowing the way around the house especially the exact route to the bedrooms isn't necessarily a good sign*.
*So whatever u do, if the mom is looking for a something you saw the last time you were there, do not, I repeat DO NOT volunteer to bring it for her.

2. Buy your own birth control. Don't use the hosts' parent's available methods( if you know what I mean ).. Also the round tablet with the label Aspirin on it, is indeed aspirin. It doesn't double up as anything else under any circumstances.

1. Pay attention to detail. Don't miss out on points.. Especially not the 6th one. That one was the best.