Do sick days include when you're sick of work?

I figured sooner or later I’d be famous and someone would like to interview me, well if I am not famous, I figure I’ll be rich enough to buy a local newspaper and get interviewed. Worst case scenario I’ll bribe my way through to page 3. And if I don’t have enough money, considering I have two working kidneys and a lot of ready-to-sell body parts, I’ll find my way through.

Anyway, as one of my mottos goes "Always be prepared" so I am taking a mock interview of myself, not the technical types required for jobs ( though I should admit, I do excel at impressing prospective bosses with great fakes of my non existent amazing tech skills ), but a general interview.

The aim of this exercise is two fold
1 - To stick to my motto for the week - "Always be prepared".
2 - Get paid for writing. ( I am supposed to do my job, instead I chose to write this piece, and my employers have to pay me anyway.)

As part of my motto, and for the fact that my manager, we will call him 'moron' hereon, has been acting a lill bit too snoopy nowadays, this post comes to you from a machine running windows, accessing unix on server side, a nice VI editor ( which btw, I learnt basically for the purpose of this post ) (OK! sorry, I lied, I knew VI before itself, u are just acting like the 'moron', never trusting. sheesh, did I tell u I hate that guy? he's like the perfect example for the Dilbert principle. anyway wont go into that now, that’s a whole new post altogether.. we'll call him a 'moron' there as well. don’t ask me why 'moron' is in quotes. It just is. )

So we’ll start of easy and move on to more difficult questions.

Me-1 – Interviewer
Me-2 – Interviewee
Me-3 – Just in case a fight erupts between Me-1 and Me-2 .

Ok here goes,

Me-1 – We are gathered here today, to … wait a sec, this is my wedding opening line.. apologies. Lets try this again…
Me-1 – Ladies and Gentlemen , we have with us today Golden Words, a humor writer, an engineer, a great person ( coughs ), and the leading individual in frequent traffic miles. Welcome, pleasure having you here.
Me-2 – ( humbly, for the camera[if any] ) (*thinking* Duh! ) Its wonderful being here.
Me-1 – How does it feel to be the leading individual in frequent traffic miles?
Me-2 - It feels great, when you put so much effort into something, so many years of hard work, perseverance, its good to see something pay off like it did .
Me-1 – For our readers and viewers not aware of your journey, can you please put it in a nutshell?
Me-2 – It all started when I turned 16 and my parents bought me my first vehicle. It was a two wheeler. From there on there was no turning back, signal after signal, traffic jam after jam, day after day… there I was accumulating my traffic miles. And today as I sit here, I have no regrets for not taking the potholed filled easy way out, never jumping a signal even if there was no one in sight for miles. It’s a proud moment for all of us who suffer.
Me-1 – You had a bit of luck, being in the public’s eye, what do you say to the people suffering without getting noticed?
Me-2 – You are not good because you will get something out of it, you do it because you want to, it’s the same way, one shouldn’t think of the future and the consequences, they should just enjoy the journey.
Me-1 – You are very wise.
Me-2 – (Duh!) Thanks.
Me-1 – What about your personal life, you ever been in a serious relationship?
Me-2 – Aren’t all relationships serious? Friendship is a relationship, brother-sister is a relationship, parents-kids, work and you, everything is a relationship, you have to take all very seriously.. so yeah, I have been in a serious relationship.
Me-1 – What about your fittest finger award? Could you shed some light on that?
Me-2 – It all came with years of being around the most stupidest of all drivers/riders on the roads, plus having pathetic teachers all round, many of the people I knew had sad ‘better halves’ , working for the most incompetent person alive (or dead for that matter), so inadvertently one finger of mine got a lot of exercise. Which in turn led me to that award.
Me-1 – What about young people who want to follow in your footsteps?
Me-2 – I tell them just this thing, it takes large-number-of-muscles(google and fill in the number) to frown but less-number-of-muscles to give the finger. Moreover , its free.. it doesn’t cost you a cent.
Me-1 – We are almost out of time, tell us GW, What are your plans for the future.
Me-2 – We are all in the mercy of the lord ( and George W Bush for some unfortunate people living to my left* ) I’ll take what he gives. There is one award I am going to try out for. Most bad words in a minute.
Me1 – Really? That’s wonderful, who inspired you for such a feat.
Me2 – There’s this ‘moron’ we spoke about ( please note the quotes ). He’s a great inspiration. Everyday.
Me1 – It was really great talking to you, maybe we will speak soon. All the best for your future.
Me2 – Thanks. Pleasure is all mine.
Me3 – Hey hey hey?? What about my part?
Me1 – Who the f** are you?
Me3 – Scroll up and read you Arsehole.
Me2 – Arsehole? You British?
Me3 – No, I am planning to go there but, heard it’s a neat place, slightly expensive, sad food, but it’s a treat to the eyes.
Me1 – Whatever, times up fella, off you go.. security!
Me2 –Hey, they are taking me!! I am Me2 not Me3.
Me1 – Man you all look so similar..

* - Assuming you are facing the Himalayas
** - Short for fuck.

I doubt that’s how a ‘real’ interview would be.. moreover I can always show up on television claiming I was misquoted and that I love my ‘moron’. Pity I have only two kidneys. Any idea if anyone would be interested in buying clippings of nails? I seem to generate a lot of them.. Wish I did my majors in bio, I would know exactly what to sell without its absence affecting me, hey, is that why doctors are so rich?

Anyway a lot of time passed since I started off this journey for getting paid for writing. My stomach says its time for lunch. And that’s one meal I don’t miss. Well actually I don’t miss any meal. As a matter of fact I don’t think I have missed brunches, suppers or dinners either…