We're obviously going to spend a lot in marketing because we think the product sells itself.

I wonder what’s more annoying, the endless rumor articles on the Apple tablet or the endless articles on why the rumors are true/false. Obviously Apple's marketing department is amazing, they make you believe that mac owners are superior and that your life's incomplete not owning an iPhone (do notice how many grammatical errors exist in this article but all iPhones have a small i and a capital P ) . Heck they made me buy an iPhone, and you know the worst part, I DO feel that my life would be incomplete without the phone. It's gotten so bad that I call out to my friends 'hey can you pass me the iPhone' rather than 'hey can you pass me the phone'.

I thought I was bad till I reached my friend (let’s call him AMV[Apple's marketing victim]) AMV's voice mailbox. This is what i heard "Hi, you've reached AMV's iPhone. I am currently not available, please leave a message on my iPhone and I'll get back to you as soon as possible". Needless to say, I have one friend less on facebook now.

To make matters worse, now I really want an apple tablet. No one outside of Cupertino knows what the device looks like, or if it even exists. But here I am, willing to even pre-order the device just so i get it the day it’s launched.

Thankfully, the event's on Wednesday, at least the rumors will stop after that. Only (and unfortunately) to be replaced with the 17 articles on why it is not a 'kindle killer' or the 14 articles on how it can change your life or the 198 Microsoft fans screaming ' it’s exactly like the surface, only portable' and that 1 article from the poor guy whose device always blows up and he's unable to change the battery.

I can see the day in the near future where youtube will be flooded with folks uploading videos of their 'unboxing' the tablet in a attempt to capture for eternity, the glorious event of removing tape and cutting open a cardboard box to reveal a device worthy enough for the gods.

Taking the rumored price into consideration and after reading the countless articles on the supposed device, I've deduced the following two features for the device.

- Able to cure severe diarrhea

- Replacement for the failed (so far) health care bill.

Spoiler alert : If you like the many need the excitement of the keynote to see the device for the first time, then you probably do not want to read ahead. The following section showcases a rare picture of the tablet, whose name is [removed due to legal reasons].

And for that 1 person still reading my blog, here's the real Apple Tablet.

Just like I said the yellow tablet to cure diarrhea and the apple to keep the doctors away.