If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

I don’t generally dedicate my posts to something/someone. But in the view of Oscar fever and the dedication cliché I am gonna do just that. For those who are planning to own a cell phone, or those who already do, or those who have my cell number. This post is for you.

As long as we are talking about cell phones, I bought a new one; it’s called the 2040i by Fly. I could put up images of the cell or provide you links of the specs but it will make u feel miserable about the cordless equipment you hold and call a Mobile. And being such a nice person I just can’t do that. But just so you have some mental picture, this is like the new I-Phone by Apple, only cheaper and lesser features.

Now back to the dedicated post, well I stopped(well reduced usage at least) using my cell phone lately, that means no ‘chatting’ , no ‘unnecessary calls’ and other things college kids do with their cells, you might ask me why, well I guess that’s the price you pay for maturity.

Unfortunately, people don’t seem to understand, so read the top 13 things not to do with your phone if you have my number on it! Yes, I said 13.

I have used “I” and “Me” in the points, but I guess most of the points are applicable to every cell user annoyed with the lack of etiquette of others when it comes to using a phone.

I wouldn’t go through the points like “keep your cell in silent when in public” and other points like these, cause you all are a bunch of morons and will never learn, and an article on the net won’t help either. So these are personal points related to me. While reading few points you might think, “OMG, G.W is talking about me”, well, No. Get real, I wouldn’t waste an entire point writing just about you.

13. Avoid sms lingo when messaging me, its not like I don’t understand, I am one of the pioneers of that language, but have grown since. Also very common short hands like gr8 are still ok, what is not ok is this “ I hd a gd tme in drgl, gt bk tda mrng, cl me whn u fre”

12. Avoid all forwards, I don’t mind the really really funny ones, but if its that funny, I probably would have read it elsewhere. Additionally don’t copy the “sms of the day” in the newspaper and send it, we all can read Bangalore times. Also avoid messages in other languages, I can read and understand many languages but I prefer English.

11. Messages like “you haven’t called in a long time” , “when will we speak next” , “you haven’t messaged me in such a long time” “where have you been all this while, no calls, no msgs” , “you don’t call me anymore” etc make you seem really needy, you don’t need friends but therapy.

10. Don’t send me messages like ‘good morning’ ‘good night’, if it has to be a good morning, it will be, with or without your message. Moreover sending a message at 3Am wishing me good night isn’t going to make me like you at all.

9. If you have sent me any variation of the following message
“Hi , xyz here, this is my new number…”
and you haven’t received any confirmation of any sorts from me, chances are, I don’t care about your new number. Remember this point when you change you number again.
p.s as an added thing, please refer points 10 and 11.

8. I eat when I want to, I drink when I want to, avoid messages like “had dinner?” or “had lunch?”.
Additionally for people really concerned with my eating habits, I don’t eat breakfast; I eat lunch at office at about 12, snacks at about 5:30 and dinner by 8. Memorize this, just for memory sake, let’s go through that again. Come on, repeat after me. No breakfast, lunch at 12, snacks at 5:30, dinner by 8.

7. I sleep at odd hours, avoid messages like “awake?”
If someone ‘had’ to know I was awake, they would already do so. Moreover, even if I ‘am’ awake, I generally don’t reply to such messages.

6. If you hadn’t received a reply for the “awake?” message immediately, I would generally return the message in the morning (courtesy sake). If you haven’t got any such messages, chances are I forgot/don’t care. Either way, when I meet/msg/talk to you next, don’t bring it up. It would lead to an uncomfortable situation.

5. If I call you and you have some weird caller tune which I don’t like, I WILL disconnect. If you love that song/tune so much, set it as you Ring tone, don’t bug your callers with that.

4. Don’t give missed calls expecting a call back, if you are that cheap/stingy I much rather not talk to you.

p.s this does not apply to students and other non-earning cell owners.

3. If you are partying and having a great time getting drunk, enjoy and live the moment, don’t call me trying to prove what a wonderful life you are leading or what a party animal you really are. Fact is I’ve been there, done that. And frankly I dislike the ‘wannabe’ kinds. You can’t act cool, you are born with it.

2. I have a modern cell phone and it has an answering machine on that, I use it to screen calls and avoid talking to people I don’t feel like at the moment. So when my voice on the cell says “Leave a message after the beep”, just leave a damn message.

Also once if you have called and left a message, and I haven’t gotten back to you, I am probably busy and have higher priorities in life. ( Yes remember, No breakfast, lunch at 12, snacks at 5:30, dinner by 8 ?? ) Don’t call back!

1. The cell phone is for my convenience and not yours; I didn’t buy a cell so that ‘you’ can reach me anytime of the day. As the tag line of iloveformattingmycomp goes, don’t say anything, if you can’t improve on the silence..