It’s simple, if it jiggles, it’s fat!

This post is dedicated to all people overweight and above the national average weight.

I was reading a report recently on your average news websites. I came across this article suggesting that 85% of the people in US are above the average weight limit. And I went like, eh??

One thing I really do not understand is how an entire nation can be above the average limit. Wouldn’t the fat people, or the gravitationally challenged if you prefer to be politically correct, bring up the average and automatically make them in tune with the nations average?

If you are, like most other readers who actually paid money for this book, stupid and mathematically dysfunctional, please use your favorite search engine to look up on how averages work. If you still haven’t figured it out, send me an Email and I'd be happy to sign you up for all the affiliate deals I can cook up.

I live in a nation obsessed with weight. Weight and sex that is. Its so obsessed that even the spam is directly related. Reduce weight, Increase size and thats it. I get mails to make my waist line go thinner and some other parts thicker. It’s only a matter of time till someone comes up with a way to redirect my stomach fat at appropriate places..

I have a great diet. You’re allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people. Always worked wonders at my family reunions. So in this age when 342432 is just a code for a sexy body and not the UN’s code for global food deficit.

Anyway, just because today is National Fat People Day. (umm, every day is. in a strange way) I am dedicating this entire article to FAT people. The really huge kinds. Following are 10 of the many reasons why being Fat rocks. Hope this list justifies the tasty chicken curry you have been having for the past one hour.

10. Fat people are hard to kidnap. I’ve never seen someone go on the news after their release saying, ‘I was held captive for 63 days, i lost 125 Pounds, never felt better, but the most important thing is, I respect my body now and with self discipline I can continue what I did for those 63 great days.

9. Fat folks barely get sexually assaulted. Don't believe me? Go read your newspapers.

8. Fat people save more money, think of all the expensive gym memberships and the controlled, vitamin balanced diet of their thin counterparts.

7. Fat people always get the bigger piece of the pie or cake at parties and other social gatherings. No questions asked.

6. You can walk around in a hurricane.

5. Your jokes are funnier, I mean comeon, no one expects anything good from you, so when you deliver, Bang! Life of the party.

4. If you do get ‘lucky’, then you’d probably be at the bottom, hence requiring you to do much less work.

3. Always warm, those layers of fat act as good insulation. Not to mention the surviving capabilities go exponentially up with every pound of weight you amass.

2. You can get away wearing anything you please. No one looks at a fat woman and goes, would you look at what she’s wearing? Expectations are way low on the fashion side, so a cloth to cover the unmentionalbles would just do fine.

1. Fat people are trustworthy. They have no reason to lie. They know that they probably wont end up with you tonight, so its truth all the way.

So there goes it, hope I have helped you kick that tasteless all fiber diet out of the window. Here’s hoping for the best water spashes in you pool and all the comfy 2 person seats on busses and trains just for you alone.

Happy ‘I-am-fat-So-what?’ Day.