If "ifs" and "buts" were candy and nuts, wouldn't it be a Merry Christmas?

Its Christmas,
Doesn’t feel so without our Christmas tree in the vicinity.. had to leave it behind when we shifted, it had grown in tremendous proportions. So, besides that, there are no gifts from anyone, and I am tired after a 150 km bike ride. Let me explain.
So the day started as any other Saturday would, me getting up 7ish cursing my project leaders, managers & colleagues and then realizing it was Saturday and getting back to the comforts of my razai(blanket).. anyway the entire day passed by watching TV, checking mails( too many automated greetings I say ) and most importantly eating food..
So it was evening and I met up with few of my friends at brigades, went to a restaurant to eat ( it’s the purpose of survival ) and sat right across a few drunk men…
Now I don’t know about u, but I find drunk people pretty amusing.. and being the person who doesn’t drink [read loser] that much [read broke] I take my ‘highs’ watching others in their momentarily lapse of reason.. and I take my pride in making fun of them the morning after ( generally afternoon by the time they get up ), in case u want a few “drunk” stories I’ll be more than glad to share.
As much fun it was watching him, we gobbled up our grub and head to the church. By the time we reached there the crowd was scarce.. but building up rapidly.. and this being next to the catholic club, the ‘all-night-party-animals’ were present there.. and I still wasn’t sure if my handkerchief had more cloth then two peoples clothing combined [and this was the church mind you]..anyhow after mass.. we headed towards our bikes, filled em up with fuel [ god it costs like 50 rs here ] head out towards ‘Nandi Hills’.
Its about 60 km, approx, from Bangalore, well if one doesn’t consider that we missed the turn and went about an extra ten. It was cold, and wearing two shirts and a heavy jacket was still not enough. We were freezing in the cold, and luckily spotted a tea stall open. [ it was about 2:30 AM ] had a quick tea.. maybe coffee, we are not really sure..and head towards the top of the mountain.. it was just too exciting, cool wind in ur face, visibility down to a zero[heavy fog] and gravity opposing you.. reached to the top only to find out the ‘gates’ would open only at 6 am , so we had a 3 hour wait, so what, we didn’t come here for nothing.. We opened a packet of chips we purchased at the tea stall.. it was open yet no one was taking a chip, it was too damn cold to take your hands out of ur pockets.. yet the brave souls [read fat asses] risked frostbite and hypothermia and started eating.. fog was building up and temperatures were dropping by the minute, and it was too too quiet, a sharp contrary to city life, its then we decided that v couldn’t stay up there much longer [ now that the chips were over ] and decided to head back.
If is fun riding the bike when u can see zilch.. and actually stopping to ponder upon where the road was. Regardless, we reached the foot of the hill, a journey of about half and hour, atleast in one single piece. Then on it was a cold ride back home, freezing temperatures, high speeds, it’s a wonder I can type now, for the fact that they had gone num in the morning..
Reached home at about quarter to 6.. just about the time the ‘gates’ were supposed to be open.. didn’t even think what it would be, if v stuck around there. Slept long, just woke up in between for the cursing and swearing.. Cold, tired, 150 kms, and Christmas has just begun…

Merry Christmas one and all, to you and your loved one(s)… May the warmth of this festive season bring comfort and joy in your heart. Here’s wishing you a bright, happy and prosperous new year.

Here is a story u might wanna disregard.

Theory - women are dumb.
Materials required - positive IQ

Preface -
Being in an environment where females are considered 'bugs'...not 'bugs' as in slimy, repulsive eight legged things, but 'bugs' as in blood sucking, sleep depriving creatures. Somewhat like mosquitoes, cause i still don’t know the purpose of the existence of mosquitoes on this planet, do they serve any good purpose? Coming back to the dumb women part, i quite apologize for this big generalization, the fact being that this concept of "dumb women" came about with my own personal experiences and stories of my friends or my friends friends. but mind you, these all come from highly reliable sources..so they can be treated as good as if it happened to you.

I know i cant base my theories on the few dumb women i've met.. but in a sea full of fishes, if u swimming for two decades and see only green fish, u tend to think each and every fish in the sea is green*.

Now now, dont get me wrong, i am not saying that all men are born geniuses or something.. but the fact being, leave out George Bush and u can safely say that all men have an IQ above their shoe sizes..Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but i wont go into that.. that is a new post altogether.
As every theory in physics has substantial( lovely word eh? ) proof associated ( I promise I didn’t use thesaurus, I am using notepad ) with it, so to support my proposition ( man am i on a roll or what? ) here are some snippets you ought to know.

Proof -

Man - can I have your snap?
Dumb woman1** (DW1) - why?
Man - So I can send it to Santa.
DW1 - So sweet of you.
Man [confused] - Huh?
DW1 - It’s so thoughtful of u to send it to Santa so I get good gifts for Christmas.
Man [still confused]

Few hours later on the phone with someone.
Man - can I have your snap?
Dumb woman2** (DW2) - actually I don’t have one snap right now. I have one in which I look slightly fatter.. And there is this other one where in I am wearing a red dress but the background is not nice.. Another snap of mine I'm wearing a shirt which doesn’t match my pants.... [3 min later at a break for breath]..i have a normal snap. I'll get [friends name] to scan it and send it to you... But why do u want it?
Man - I want to send it to Santa.
Dumb woman2 (DW2) - But why Santa?
Man [out of words] - here talk to DW1

DW2 - what was that about?
DW1 - nothing they were testing their pick up lines.
DW2 - Really? Oh I didn’t get it.
DW1 - Neither did i.. Oh we are so dumb..
[laughter]
DW1 , DW2 - A@#$fgdf GF@#$df DG@#$Fdfbg DFvf$%^DFG fgD#$%FGdfg DFG#%DFjtyju^
Man [To himself] - Isn’t that my cell? DAMN!!

Dumb Women3 **(DW3) - I came to your house, the other day, but u weren’t at home.
Man - Which day?
DW3 - Friday evening.
Man - No, I was at home.
DW3 - But ur bike wasn’t there
Man - So? I had given it for servicing.
DW3 - Oh ok.
Man [confused] - Wait let me get this straight, you came 5 odd kilometers out of your way to meet me, then u came till my doorstep and not seeing the bike u left without ringing the door bell.
Dw3 - Yeah I tho...
[loud sounds of screaming muffled the voices]

But don’t get me wrong, not all women are dumb.. serious. there's got to be someone who doesn’t lower the average IQ of an uninhabited furnished room when they walk in..Take for e.g. that chick who invented penicillin, then again.. didn’t she die because of the 'research' she was doing?
But hey, giving credit where its due, women have scaled to the top in every aspect of life, business,IT,civil.. even space. Last i heard there was this Indian born woman going to space, I wont talk about her, its ill to talk about the dead they say ( may her soul rest in peace, Amen )

Conclusion - Some women are VERY dumb, and the others are men***.



* I used green, it could as well be yellow or black..

^ Its the merger of two women complaining at the same time, if u can’t understand it, then you are male.

** Being a work of fiction, these instances don’t represent any individual alive or dead, and any resemblance to anyone is purely coincidental.#

# Yeah Right!!

***The above conclusion doesn’t hold good if any of the following events are reported to be true,
Newton actually died because he was standing below a coconut tree testing gravity.
You can read this inspite of being the president of the United States.
The first man on the moon was actually a woman. ( This point is still under controversy )
Thomas Edison actually preferred candle lit dinners.
Alexander Graham Bell got calls from telemarketers.

But guys, don’t be happy yet, thank your lucky stars that women cant tell one end of the remote to the other.. if the women were'nt that dumb, I don’t see a point why they would even consider dating someone like you… so all said and done.. And I seem to have said a lot of stuff.. We all are happy women are that way(atleast most of them).. As the age old saying goes, cant live with them..cant live without^^..

^^I mean, how can a fish live without a bicycle...